


In Case of Death

by hannamona (chloebeale)



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloebeale/pseuds/hannamona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After developing some puzzling symptoms, Mona fears the worst for her health. She decides to write a letter to Hanna expressing how she feels, to be given to her in the event of her death. Takes place after 5x10, based on some of my predictions about Mona's possible health issues following the events of the episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Case of Death

As Hanna left the rental car, the smell of her perfume lingered in the air. Mona closed her laptop and shoved it into the still warm passenger seat. A deep sigh escaped her full lips as she settled into the sense of loneliness that had become like a home to her. Today's events had given her a glimmer of hope. Perhaps her friendship with Hanna was something that could be repaired. Not that she hadn't tried and failed before, but Mona was stubborn and refused to give up. She recalled Hanna's concern from her episode in the choir room. Mona had woken up to the blonde leaning over her, her hand on her thigh. She had been so close that Mona could feel her breath on her face and for a moment, she thought she was dreaming. But it truly was Hanna bent over her with worry written all over her face, showing that she did in fact still care for Mona.

Mona was terrified. She had been feeling very off lately in health--tired, weak, etc., and after her mother found out, she had scheduled a doctor's appointment. Mona went for testing just that morning. She had her blood drawn for tests and the doctor would get back with her about the results. But she knew it wasn't going to be good news, not after she'd fainted this afternoon. It was probably irrational, but Mona had the crippling fear that her life was winding down. She needed to fix things with Hanna while she could. She couldn't leave this earth without making amends...or without telling her former best friend how she really felt about her.

Lost in thought, Mona pulled the car back onto the street and started the mechanical process of driving it back to her house. She'd given her mother some cock & bull story about the Mustang's transmission acting up in order to get this rental car and it had paid off. She was able to spy on people--namely the Rosewood police--without her vehicle being recognized. Mona hadn't invited Hanna on the stakeout with her, but she had secretly been pleased when the taller girl got into her car. Had their conversation managed to be less hostile, she would have attempted to tell Hanna the truth about what was going on. But Hanna was in the place where she wouldn't have believed her anyway, so Mona just made up some lie about having a panic attack. It was probably better that Hanna didn't know, anyway.

Once in her room, she grabbed the notebook from its hiding place and opened to a fresh page. In her best script, she wrote.

_Dear Hanna,_

Mona stared at the words on the paper for several minutes, chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip. It had to be easier to write this than to say it. She started to write.

_I'm writing you this in case the worst case scenario comes true. If you're reading this, I'm gone. I don't want to be. I have so much left in this life I want to do. I have to find out who A is. I have to graduate high school. I have to go on to college, become a psychologist and help people. But it's become clear to me that may never happen._

_Most of all, I want to fix this. Han, I know there's no changing the despicable things I did in the past. I've never been half as good as you..._

_I think that I'm better now. The meds, they're helping and the therapy--just talking, it helps so much. I want you to know I'm writing this with a clear mind. I mean everything I'm saying. No lies, no manipulations, just Mona._

_Do you remember when we tried being friends again? When you were just using me for that stupid drive and I knew you were pretending? Do you remember what I told you? I said "I really loved you once." I don't think you really knew what I meant then. I don't think I wanted you to._

_What I meant was...for me, Hanna, it's always been you. I've known this for a long time. I've accepted it and I've known that nothing would ever come of it. I'm in love with you. It is what it is. But I need you to know this. I can't let you think you meant less to me than you do, because the truth is, even now, you're pretty much everything._

_The time I spent with you in the car tonight just reminded me of how things used to be. Yeah, I know that things are messed up between us. I know that is my fault. But there was something there. A slight spark of what we used to have. I miss that more than you'll ever know. I miss trying on expensive clothes, eating frozen yogurt with all the toppings, having sleepovers full of everything but sleep... I miss the way you used to look at me. Your smile--that real smile, you know the one I mean. I miss how you used to hug me and how every part of my body would tingle any time you touched me. I miss knowing you'd be there for me no matter what. I miss being able to be there for you._

_If I could, I would invent a time machine and go back to the start. I would do it all over. I would've never been A. You wouldn't have gotten hurt the way you did. I know I wasn't in the state of mind at the time to realize what I was doing, but it doesn't excuse it....Hanna, I'm so scared that you'll never forgive me. You don't owe me that. I wouldn't forgive me either. But if you did, it would be the happiest moment of my life._

_Sometimes I think back to that night on the Halloween train. You know, when I was dressed as Caleb...? Yeah, just another mistake I made. One of my regrets of that night is not getting to kiss you. I'll never know what it would have felt like. Even if you rejected me, it would have been worth it, just to feel your lips on mine once._

_No one has ever understood me the way you do. And no one else ever will._

_I hope I never have to give you this letter. Maybe I'll live a long life and never tell you that I love you. Maybe we'll be friends again. Maybe we won't. Five years from now, I could be staring at your facebook profile, hovering my mouse over the friend request button. You know, if facebook is still a thing five years from now. Or maybe we'll be sharing an apartment and we'll have a cute little dog and a walk in closet big enough to make everyone jealous. Part of what makes this so hard is not knowing._

_Hanna...I am truly sorry for all the hurt and pain I've caused you. I want to spend my life making it up to you. I love you more than I can even fathom. It hurts, seeing you with him. But you're happy, aren't you? I hope you're happy._

_Please know that none of this is your fault. You couldn't save me. You couldn't feel what you didn't feel._

_Now, I'm not a spiritual person or anything, but if it turns out that I'm wrong and there is a heaven and all that stuff...I'll be watching over you from above and trying to make sure no bitches mess with my Hanna Banana._

_Whatever you do, don't forget me. I know that I could never, ever forget you._

_-M_

_PS: You've always been beautiful. Even Hefty Hanna gave me butterflies..._

Mona's eyes scanned what she'd written. Her handwriting had gotten sloppy in a couple of the more emotional passages, but she was happy with what she'd written. She ripped the pages out of the notebook and stuffed them into an envelope labeled with Hanna's name. After finding a Post-It note, she stuck it on the front of the envelope and wrote in loopy handwriting-- In Case Of Death.


End file.
